I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
