dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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