We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
