so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
