i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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