Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
