True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
