Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
