checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
