btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
