i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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