He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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