Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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