if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
