My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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