see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
