Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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