u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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