yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
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