Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
