the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
