peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
