3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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