mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
