I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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