Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
