dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
