I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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