It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
