The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
