My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
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