it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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