Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
