Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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