JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
