Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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