Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
