4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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