Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
