why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
