So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
