I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
