Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
