I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
