I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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