Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
