All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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