Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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