he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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