I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
