There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Randomize
