i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
