If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
