Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
hell yes lets make some ravioli
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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