the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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