Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
