It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
