How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
